Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Back on board!

Had been away for a long while, due to being sick and taking a self care 'vacation' for a few days.   Due to it being October, there is a mixture of sorrow (miscarriage anniversary, the tumor, and several traumatic anniversaries) and joy (bonfires, colorful leaves, costumes, haunted houses, Halloween/Samhain), I knew I needed to be away from everything, including reading others blogs.

I didn't want to think about my childlessness; I didn't want to recall what led me onto this path. I didn't want to relive the grief and confusion.  

I wanted to live in the present.  And that's what I did for the last few days.

Gone to Cobb's Haunt, which is a corn maze, with zombies jumping out among cornstalks, grabbing at you.

Cobb Haunt Vignette (from Joseph Phelps)


You can get an idea what it's like walking in the corn maze... NO lights (except for strobe lights here and there)..I took advantage of the full moon-  took me 32 minutes to get out!  I have to see if I can do that again- that is if Cobb Haunt is open this Halloween (It's my goal to do three places all on one day!)

I went fishing- I hadn't done that for a long while, and so I caught two bluegills.  I hadn't caught that kind before, so I had to google up if there were recipes to determine if I can cook 'em or not.   I also went to a spa to treat myself to a body massage, pedicure and manicure.  I needed that for a long while.

And there were absolutely nothing to do for some days, and I LOVED that.  Freedom to read, catching up on movies, and doodling and painting.

I took my dogs to a pet supply store for their Howl-oween costume contest.  Due to Derby being popular around here, Hairy had a jockey on him!


and Lola went as a bumblebee-  Sweet Sweet Lola!  


We all got some awesome treats despite that neither had won- but that's all right.  I got to show off my furry kids in their costumes..and had gotten some ideas for next year- perhaps Star Wars or Walking Dead theme.  

Oh that reminds me-  everyone got a kick out of my t-shirt that I wore while walking through the corn maze and the dog contest.  
Can get this t-shirt from Handsay.com


Nowadays I feel pretty much  human, and it's easier to handle triggers, especially with babies and pregnancy. I recently had talked with friends about Pennsylvania news of a guy being arrested for rubbing a pregnant woman's belly, and there was no pangs of hurt in my heart.    

That tells me that I'm doing it right my way during the journey.  


Sunday, October 13, 2013

Flu whammy

Hadn't been to the blog or reading blogs for a long while.  The yucky flu had hit me the week before last,  and while recovering from it last week, I got a flu shot.


Big mistake.

Relapse of flu, with a whammy.

So currently taking care of myself, with ginger ale (Thanks, Amel!!),  my Elfquest (Thanks, Wes!),  my book, Styxx (Thanks, Michelle!!) and soup (Thanks, Pat!!)



Well, on the bright side, I got to get familiar with the chipmunk living near my porch, finding out his preferences for food- did you know that the chipmunks love to munch on stinkbugs?   I found that out while being sick and annoyed enough on smashing stinkbugs that keep trying to get into my place!   So at least my porch is very tidy,thank to the chipmunk, Mr. Clean!

 

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Oversharing

Today, there was a meeting where I had to attend, with folks from several organizations.  I know some folks there, and that they are parents.  

I have no problems with attending meetings at all.

It is the time after meetings that I dread.


Why?  

That's when the parents would start to talk about their children.

Today I was hearing about toddlers learning to walk and babies nursing and making messes.

One lady was oversharing, going on and on and on about her kid learning to walk, sharing photos on her cellphone, and I was visualizing in my mind......



Nice visual, yeah?

I was very tempted to do that, and I got another visual going....





I gave an excuse to get out and took a deep breath outside of the door.


I was processing on why the heightened reaction to the parents sharing, and I can only come to the fact that I'm already vulnerable due to emotional anniversaries in October, and then bam!  Everyone then talked about children; that's when I found myself emotionally alone, when I didn't need that reminder.

And that wasn't pleasant at all, hence the angry visualization.