Sunshine Award

I was flabbergasted, pleasantly when I checked my email neglected for a few weeks- for a good reason if you had checked my last post.  Hope of  A Crack In Everything  had just nominated me for a Sunshine Award-   I hadn't anything like that before- it's always awesome having some folks sharing their appreciation with you, especially on this lonesome path which could easily knock folks down (when you think about it.)  This is a way to remind us readers (and writer) that we're NOT alone!   Thank you, Hope, for that!  :)

*A Sunshine Award is given to bloggers whose posts brighten your day.  The rules are:

1. Include the Sunshine Award icon in your post.
2. Link to the person who nominated you.
3. Answer 10 questions about yourself.
4. Nominate 10 bloggers to receive the award.
5. Link your nominees and let them know they've been nominated.

I am quite intrigued by Hope's questions!

1. Where do you feel the most at home (other than, you know, in your actual home)? 
  New Orleans.   No matter where I am, as long as it's New Orleans, I feel at home- in the French Quarters, looking through old books at a forgotten bookstore; sitting under the shadow of Spanish moss of an huge oak tree at the Audubon Zoo; or laughing among family at a local eats. And in two weeks, I'll be there!

2.  What song brings back good memories? Despite being deaf, I listened to music when I was a teenager, and so I just loved 'Thriller' by Michael Jackson.   (Yes, I know of his history, but damn, his songs are great!).  I dressed up as a zombie, and led a pack of kids through the dance at the Lake Drive school for Deaf one time- and even now I'd listen to that song and do some of the moves!

3. When did you know that you were ready to have children?    That would be 2009, when I realized I was about to become 40 in a year.  I started to do research, especially with the fact that I wasn't with anyone.

4. What's your next big (non-child-related) goal?  Do a 2-month road trip, hitting U.S. Route 66 and back roads.

5. What's one of your pet peeves?  Saying one thing, and then saying one other differently later on, which is hypocrisy.    Be honest, even if when you know it'd hurt me-  better NOW than later.

6.  What's one of your favorite keepsakes? Wooden spinning toy!  The paternal grandpa had it when he was a kid in late 1910's, and then he passed it to Dad- who then gave it to me.   I guess when my nephew is old enough, I'll pass it on to him.

7. Cats or dogs?  Dogs, hand down!   Dogs come greet you at the door, and insist sleeping with you, and you can even go to places with dogs!

8. If you could live in any other place or time, what would it be?  New Orleans in 1920's!  The history, the music, the passion, the food, Joie de vivre!  

9. If you had money to give away, who would receive it?  Schools in New Orleans.   They had lost so much during the Hurricane Katrina and the flooding.   Books, supplies, and after-school activities.

10. When was the last time you laughed really hard?  Last night!  Among awesome friends, over a possible road trip in the future to Chicago, including what to see, including  Hunkomania!  *giggle*

Answering those questions were pretty awesome. Thanks for the opportunity, Hope!

Now here are my nominees:

1. Amel at Serenity in Chaos
2. Nicole at Real Life & Thereafter
3. Michaela at A Single Journey
4. 1nonmom at Childless does NOT mean less
5. Mali at Not Kidding in NZ
6. Roni at AT Deaf-Blind Dream
7. Klara at The Next 15000 Days
8. Loribeth at The Road Less Travelled
9 (blank)
10 (blank)

(note:   Others that I love to read, are private blogs, so I'm leaving them alone.)

Here are my questions for you.

1.  Chocolate or Vanilla?
2.  What is one thing you would rid of,  from the world?
3. What is in your bucket list for the next year?
4. Where do you feel the most comfortable (outside of your home)?
5.  Movies, originated from books (i.e. The Help), or books, originated from movies (i.e. Cowboys and Aliens)?
6. If you could live anywhere (no limits), where would that be?
7.  If you win the lottery ($64 millions), what would be the three first items you would acquire, (or get done)?
8. What is one of your rants, that put you on the soapbox?
9. If you had one chance to a time machine that can only go ten years ago (2003), what would you do?
10. Done any jokes lately? Spill!

*Of course, it's all optional.  The main rule is no guilt!  We all have some intense things going on, so I'll understand if you don't have time right now, or if you pick just a few favorite questions to answer.  If you do participate, please post a comment that links to your answers and nominees, so that others can go check them out.

Igor and Igor

From "Young Frankenstein" (1974), there is this scene, one of my favorites in which I'd like to share with you- the first meeting between Igor and Dr. Frankenstein. 

Igor: Dr Frankenstein....

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "Fronkensteen."

Igor: You're putting me on. 

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, it's pronounced "Fronkensteen."

Igor: Do you also say "Froaderick"?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "No... "Frederick." 

Igor: Well, why isn't it "Froaderick Fronkensteen"?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: It isn't; it's "Frederick Fronkensteen." 

Igor: I see.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: You must be Igor. (pronouncing it 'ee-gor')

Igor: No, it's pronounced "eye-gor."

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: But they told me it was "ee-gor."

Igor: Well, they were wrong, aren't they?

Going in and out of the doctors' offices in late 2011, to determine what was going on in my uterus, with the noticeable bump that could pass for a 4-month pregnancy, there were many ways I could cope with this, in trying to get some control of something that was wildly getting out of control.  

I have a morbid sense of humor, I admit, and that's what I did.  

Remembering the movie, especially this scene- "What hump?", I started to call the bump "Igor."

Don't get me wrong, I knew it wasn't a baby.  I needed desperately to add humor to an already bleak situation.   

While talking with friends, I'd refer the bump as "Igor."  I didn't want to think about the bump as a tumor, a cyst, or even cancer, but of an annoying pest, yet right there when you think he's not there. 

"You know how in that movie, Igor said his name is pronounced "eye-gor?"

"Yeah I remember that." 

"Well, THIS Igor, it is pronounced "Ee-gore.  They are gonna be twins, kinda.  Ugly, pesky but a relief when out of sight."  

Silent with a stare   

Yup, how sicky my humor could go!  

                        ************************************************

Before going under on the day of the hysterectomy, I stared at the doctor, telling her-  "I want pictures of Igor."  She looked perplexed. Before, I sunk into the darkness, the interpreter (who is also a friend) explained what Igor was.  

So, when I saw the doctor the day after the surgery, she reassured me that there were photographs taken of the fibroid. She then described the size of the fibroid,  that was removed along with the uterus. She explained  about many blood vessels she found attached to the tumor.  The size and numbers of blood vessels surprised the doctor, especially with it complicating the surgery, on top of finding out that one ovary was wrapped up by a fibroid, which was not noticed on either ultrasounds or MRI. It was removed, too. I recalled nodding in numbness at the information sinking into me, one ovary less, which led me to forget about Igor.   

It was a week and so after surgery, when I got a email from an address that was not familiar to me.  I was hesitant but I went ahead when I noticed the company in the end- name of the hospital where I had the surgery. After downloading two photos, I then opened the first one- not sure about what to expect.  At first, I wasn't sure what I was looking at- it was all red, pink and bumps- kinda like a brain. It was then I realized the photo was zoomed up over 100%, so I was looking at one part of the picture.  So I zoomed down, so I'd see the whole photo.

I stared fixed at what I was seeing, and then I realized...this was Igor.  

I was mesmerized with what I was seeing.  "So that's you, that f**ker."  

Ravager of my uterus. Baby dream-destroyer.  Cause of all the fear and the anxiety.   Childless not by choice, end of being a biological mother.  

And not even one hint of cancer, as they tested in the labs.  (and that's a post in the future.) 

For the next few weeks, in the dark of night, I'd creep to the laptop and open the photos, feeling if I should be busted like the husband in the Farm State commercial, where his wife grabbed the phone and said "who is this?" 

I decided to deal with that by creating a meme, only to me, putting totogether the Igor from Young Frankstein and the fibroid- and from there, I found I didn't need to look at the photos/meme anymore.  So it was a validation that it all happened, and you know..I'm okay with that. 

Oh for the meme?  I'm keeping it for myself, to remind myself sometimes humor is needed for survival.   

Try to lead a herd of cats? Try 11 teenagers!

Attempting to discuss on helicopter vs. authoritative parenting, I was challenged about having the ability to parent or not;

"You mean, since I don't have children, I don't know what it's to be a parent?"

"Well, that's not what I mean... you don't have children, you know?"

"I took care of many children, including my cousins, that meant  babies to adolescents. I have three godchildren.  Have you EVER taken care of 11 teenagers under your roof for 6 weeks? Especially them being all girls...  have you?"

"Eleven girls- how did you do that?"

"With a sense of humor; a routine for chores; clear rules with enforcing responsibility for actions; listening and empathy; not taking B.S; and also to know that I'm not perfect, but I did my best. Even the kids knew that and appreciated that."

A pause, then "I guess you do know how to parent."  

Nice to know I get approval to parent... (sarcasm) 

(Note: I was a summer counselor. Two other counselors, who were teamed with me, were too busy with their summer flings and gossip, leaving me alone with the teenagers in a range of age 13 to 16. Including two kids that had a history of being kicked out in past years- but they managed to complete the stay with me. All sharing a cabin with two toilets, even so. Gotta love Camp Endeavor in FL!) 

Brains and laughter

First of all, I'm alive!  No worries. :)   I have been very busy lately in the last two weeks, including volunteering or participating in some Derby events (I'll share some stories/photos later in future posts).  A friend had visited me for a weekend, and I have been hanging out much on my porch, doing a small garden and doing some labyrinth paintings.  Anyway...back to the subject.

Volunteered at the Zombie Run here in Louisville two Sundays ago-  handing out vaccination hydration...err. water.    There was a lovely team of volunteers, some dressed as doctors (I got to wear a lab coat!), and zombies, including two cute little zombies.  Spooky, although.     We had put out cups full of water, thinking it's all finished.   By the third group of runners coming by, we noticed numbers of cups dwindling, we realized we needed to whip out MORE cups and MORE water....  to be safe, we had put out 300 cups of water here on the first (water) stop! Later on, I found out we had 700+ runners. Wow!

 That's when I found out we I love how runners involved humor on their t-shirts and/or costumes:

"Daryl's disciples" (Referring to The Walking Dead, in which there's a redneck character, Daryl..damn hot!)
"Tasty and Fresh"
"Lunch on the Run"
"Fast Food"
"Heroes of the Apocalypse"
"Who Got Brains"
"I like Big Guts"
"Zombie Bait"
 and more!

There were zombies, with so many characters that I couldn't list 'em all...but I'll do my best...

Fonzie the zombie

A hospital lost a doctor...what a tragedy...

housewife- would wonder how she manages to keep her curlers on... 

(Courier-Journal)

There was this neat-o zombie, with several 'slashes' above and below her lips, so impossible to lip-read. That'd be a challenge for deaf or hard of hearing folks who rely on lip-reading... oh wait.. doesn't need to lip-read, just run in the opposite direction!

Here is a video by Thomas, who was volunteer press for this event, so you can get an idea what it's like being a runner dealing with a 5K run with obstacles (zombies and stuff they throw on the road).  

 

This is right front of where our "vaccination hydration site" is...it's hilarious to see this zombie grab at some runners!  (Two little kids you see handing out the cups with water, were members of our team). They certainly stayed calm!  :) 

I certainly had a blast of fun!!!!  I hope I'll do this again-   I know there'll be two other runs; Run for Your Lives, and the Zombie Stampede- so I'll find out when that'll happen here this year. 

P.S.  For folks who might ask "this post is not about infertility"....it's certainly not.  I want to show that there IS life after infertility, childlessness, and that one can put grief and anger aside for a few hours, if not a few days.    

Me time!

While folks prepare to get ready for the Superbowl watching (on February 3rd), I'll be away at my favorite spa, for me time, much overdue!  

 What to expect:
Body massage with hot stones
Manicure
Pedicure
Facial treatment
Hair cutting/style
  Meanwhile, there'll be herbal teas and a healthy and delicious sandwich during a break-

Afterwards, I'm off to see the movie The Hobbit (with open captioning).   I'll then be picking up Chinese food (General Tso chicken, Moo Shu pork, and crab/cream cheese rangoons), and watch the Rome (season 1) DVD I got from Amazon last weekend that Sunday night.

During this time, one can say it's a good time to be childless. One doesn't have to worry about kids.


Sometimes you need to give yourself a break from everything and focus on yourself. Sometimes you need to be selfish and say "enough", and take care of yourself.   Go Thelma & Louise; it's your time!

 For me, I have four February weekends packed with activities, with some 'me time' and other times with friends.  On a little note, a good friend is moving here, yah!!!!  Road trips for us, with weird, natural and unusual sightseeing! We both have long lists what to see/experience, so we're gonna compare and develop a plan for future road trips! 

The bottom line is, the final part of the first anniversary should fly by. And yes, I have a plan B for when I find myself not in shape to do some of the plans- a new blanket I finished for myself, hot dark chocolate (from the Joe Trader store), and a pile of new books I got, and some phone calls with dearest friends.



On a little note, I saw this video on Youtube, and I got a kick out of it-

  Enjoy!!!!  

Spooky! Scary! Happy I am!

I have read several fellow bloggers on things they can do without children, and of how they can take advantage of things not having to worry about children.  I do see their point, and I do look forward to the time when I'd appreciate being able to enjoy things child-free..... but that's not yet.


Until today.

Vampires!  (Fright Night)

Monsters (Jason from Friday 13th)

Spookies (Freddy from Nightmare on Elm Street)

Werewolves!  (Van Halsing)

My point?     

 I can go on ghost hunts (which I did last year and will do again this Sunday)!   

 I can go walk in abandoned places at 2 in the morning.   

I can get lost in the corn maze for hours before I get out. 

I can wander in the cold night under the full moon walking my labyrinths.

I can go to haunted places such as:   

Waverly Hills Sanatorium, haunted forests, scary mazes, hanging out at the bar giving out 'creepy' drinks and admiring each other's costumes at "Halloween Bash at The Bard's Town." 

....and I don't have to worry about finding a babysitter and checking my watch;

....and I don't have to worry about whether the kid wants to cut the trip short because it's "too cold", "too boring" or "have to cut it short because of school tomorrow;"

....and I don't have to worry whether if the kid can handle the scary part:

....and I don't have to worry about the kid needing therapy later on if I wear a scary clown mask and jump out from under the bed scaring someone witless.  

Now I feel much better for one thing. :)  

My eggs, that is, chocolate eggs!

I got my eggs yesterday!  

 I'm not referring to eggs in my ovary or of chicken eggs, but of Cadbury creme eggs ...  Everyone who knows me, knows that I'd do *anything* to get my cadbury creme fix;  I even said,"now if there is a heir to the Cadbury egg company, I'll marry him instantly even if he was 40 years old older than me, or with no legs.  All just for the eggs."  I got maybe 50-60 creme eggs from family and friends before and after my hysterectomy in February- I'm not sure if that's a fair trade. :::struggling to keep a straight face here:::

I had been out of eggs since two months, and I know I'll have to wait 'til January... *mourning sigh*
Anyway, a friend saw some Cadbury Creme eggs (Screme eggs with Halloween coming up in almost three months) at a store near her home and immediately thought of me. She posted a pix of the eggs, on purpose to see how I'd react (that should tell you how well they know me) and I instantly went nuts, "WHERE?!! I MUST HAVE THEM!!"     I practiced my puppy eyes pose, the *whimper* tone and my charming skills, in hope to get the friend to send them....

Turned out she was already planning to send them...  didn't have to use my talent... Well, at least I got the practice.

The eggs arrived through FedEx- but since no one was at home (10am- why is that?!), the friend told me that they didn't drop off the package at the door.  I flipped out, " I must have my fix!"    I saw the slip tag on my door and they said to sign the tag, they'll drop next Monday.   Hell no way!  So I drove 30 minutes to the  FedEx location...   I opened the package right there in the office to make sure they were all there....

Hello, my pretties!