Sunday, August 25, 2013


Wolfgang has been with me for almost 3 months 'til today.  

In that months, I saw Wolfgang bloom from a scared, skinny dog with a flea infestation, multiple bacterial infections, and worms, to a healthy and happy dog, very frisky and loving.   He had played daily with Lola; they were buddies, "BFFs"

Before I took him in, I checked with the condo association and the landlord if it was okay to take him in, due to him being a foster dog (not a permanent dog), I got the go-ahead.  

Last Friday, during work, I got an emergency call from the landlord telling me that the condo association is threatening to press me to get rid of *TWO* (including Wolfgang and one of my furbabies H and L), due to "violation of two-dog policy." I was stunned and pointed out to him and he and the condo association agreed that I'd take care of the foster dog until he finds a home. I added that the flyer is already out with several rescues, of him being ready for adoption, and that I have a family interested in adopting him.  He said that the neighbors were complaining (I can figure out who since there's two neighbors in condo that don't like me), and that if there's more complaints, the association can evict me if I refuse to comply with the issue.  To get rid of Wolfgang *AND* either Lola or Hairy.   I asked him if he can encourage them to postpone that 'til third week of September when the family comes by (they live in Ontario and will be driving down that time to get Wolfgang).  He said he can't since the condo association sent him an official letter already, giving him a notice of warning, of a week of deadline and he had already used two days arguing my case with them.   At that time, I knew I had no options left, but to send out messages of urgency to the family and other rescues.  The family did not reply in the three days, when one rescue said that they can take him in right away.  

With a heavy heart, I drove him to West Virginia today- a road trip taking 7 hours round way.  The rescuer reassured me that Wolfgang is in good hands.  

What sticks in my mind at this time, a few hours after returning to town-  

They threatened MY babies.  Lola and Hairy. 

I don't like the condo association anymore, I don't trust them anymore.  They did not talk with me. No neighbors had talked to me.  No one bothered to find out Wolfgang's story, or that he had a potential forever family. But no... they had to have him out all because he was a "third dog." (never mind that I got permission- which I should have asked in paper, instead of vocal- but that's after the spilled milk.)  They threatened my Hairy and Lola who hadn't done anything wrong, who have been with me all the years while living here. I don't feel comfortable here anymore.   

Nevertheless....  Ain't happy.  

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Love relatives, but they can be hazardous.

Back from the family visit.   The celebration of Grandma H's 95th birthday was awesome, especially with reuniting with some relatives that I hadn't seen in more than a decade (or two).  It's always comforting to be with family...a joy to reunite with brothers and dad, yet it's bittersweet, seeing cousins bending over to talk with their little girls, or throwing balls with their boys.   My emotions were plummeting, then going up- pretty much an emotional roller coaster.

It was also significant that I met my toddler nephew for the first time.  I was anxious, staring at him wondering when I could touch him without me shattering.   My SIL was sweet yet aware, so she didn't push him toward me. We did it in small steps, such as me sitting next to him, then me touching his hands- you get the idea.  Gradually, it was pretty much as walking into the cool water, getting body adjusted to the temperature, you know?  In time, I was able to hold him but not long.  He isn't the type to cuddle, and at this time, I'm all right with that.  It was humble to find that I already love him at sight, and I do look forward to see him again.  SIL and I are talking about doing that again in a few months.

I was pleasantly surprised about numerous relatives being supportive, not pushing for me to socialize with children until I was ready. After a few hours, I was able to talk with some cousins' children, especially one pretty much a clone of me-  a book-lover, geek, liking math and science.  Imagine a 11 years old girl and a woman in her 40's chatting about graphic novels and pre-teen books (such as Harry Potter- we both found we absolutely LOVE Hermione Granger!)  One relative even brought up adoption fundraising- I was touched that she has some awareness how this option can be challenging in terms of finances.    I admitted to her that I have been thinking about that.

In all, the family visit was much better than I expected when it came to my emotions. I didn't break down. I didn't cry.  I didn't hide in the bathroom (well, I did hide in public in a way.) I didn't avoid the pregnant relatives.

That's a good step, in my opinion.

It was two days later, when it was time for me to fly home.  The flight was in the afternoon, so  I stopped by to see my other grandma (with dementia) in the morning. I wanted to grab some more time with her, she was becoming very fragile. It was when I was about to hug her, when she patted my stomach and said "you're pregnant?"

A crack in the shield.  That moment, I knew I was going to lose it.  I tightened up my shields and smiled, while telling her no I wasn't, that I was plump.    Then the aunt wanted to stop by a store to get something, on way to the airport, so I went along with her. 

When I realized where she was going, I was thinking, "you're kidding me or what?"   Nope, she was going to the baby section, the least place I needed to go, especially now.  I called out I was going to the restroom, instead. I waited for her outside.  

So, when the layover was in Chicago, there was two hours before the flight back into town.  I gave myself something I deserved for not losing it all, like crying on the floor.  

Got an Upside-down pineapple drink, finding a corner to myself, and started reading my new book, "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that can't stop talking." 

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Fast Forward

(from movie "The Princess and the Frog")

I didn't realize 'til now that I am flying to see family in a few days.    Where did time go?    

Summer flew by faster than I expected- as if someone pushed the "fast forward" on a channel remote and it is all a blur.  

I couldn't figure if that was great or that it went fast by-  don't get me wrong-  there was some days that was totally awesome (hadn't yet shared my post on another blog- 506 reads in one day, and a lot of comments- WOW!- That's a record for me.)  Other days, not so great, and the rest of days, you know how that was. 

The trip to see the family is making me anxious.   A part of me is excited; I hadn't seen some cousins in 20 years, and we'll be celebrating our grandmother's 95th birthday this coming weekend.  A part of me is a bag of emotions- it'll be the first time I'll see my nephew in person- he just had become 1 year old. I hadn't yet put words on those emotions.     Another part is sad- I'll be seeing my other grandmother, who is dealing with dementia, which I had written about:  Remembrance.    Her dementia is worsening to the point that she is not able to complete sentences anymore, or remember anyone but Grandpa (who died in my 20's).  

So you have it....all juggling with emotions.

And they call it a vacation?   My ass.  

Saturday, August 10, 2013


I wrote a post for another blog about my first time volunteering; that's why I hadn't written one for this one in a week.   It had just been posted this morning, and I got a LOT of comments (all positive). That surprised me!

I hadn't yet determined whether I'd want to share that since the post is not related to infertility- but then again my blog is about my journey, isn't it?

Well, the bottom line is I feel good!  No, not that word.     I feel...  AWESOME!