Saturday, May 25, 2013

Fostering pup

Driving down to a very rural town, an hour away, I met with a woman.  She had dark circles under her eyes, had obviously wept before my arrival.   During the silence, I watched as she coaxed a little creature out of the crate.  We met front of her car, as she handed me the leash to her little dog.   She looked like she was about to cry again.  I took her in arms and held her while she cried.  Afterwards, I coaxed the dog into the car-   he insisted on staying on my lap while I drove back to my place.  Obviously confused and scared, he trembled, holding my hand close with a paw over it.

After a flea dip/deep bath and a vet visit to get medication for his infection and wounds,  Colin is on the mend, sleeping beside me on the sofa.

All in silence.  

You see, Colin is a deaf Pomeranian.  

I heard about him when Deaf Dogs Rock sent out a call looking for either a forever home or fostering for this dog due to a foreclosure, and that this dog is in Kentucky.   I had thought of fostering dogs for a year, but I hadn't an opportunity.  Until now.

So I'm fostering a small dog, deaf since birth.  I did notice that he intensely stare at my face, so I suspect he looks for communication that way. I had started working with him with using basic signs associated with commands, such as sit, stay, walk, food, no, etc. I don't have to worry about him barking or yipping.   The stereotypical Pomeranian is..all yipping.. He doesn't yip, but he does whimper.

He will stay here until he's healed and trained in communication/discipline before I will let it be known that he's looking for a forever home. I know it's hard for deaf dogs to be adopted, so the family has to have motivation and overmuch love to give to a dog like that. He had already figured out quickly two rules here- no getting on bed, and no begging for food while I'm eating.  He may be deaf, but he ain't dumb!  So there's hope for him.

This is an opportunity for me to explore what I want to do at this time of my life.  I might be a mother someday or not, but at this time, I'll be content as a foster mother for a dog.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Red Mug

I had a favorite mug,  red scarlet from the Fiestaware that I had gathered just in November and December '11 while going in and out of medical tests to see what was going in my uterus.   There is all the colors when one opens the counter; Emerald green, scarlet red, tangerine, peacock, cobalt, lemongrass, shamrock, plum, chocolate, turquoise, and and sunflower.  I intended to get only four plate sets.  After staring at the plates sitting on the counter, I felt I wanted more color in my life.  With the hospital tests and news whirling above my head, I wanted to keep the darkness away, by having more colors. So that's how I ended up with 11 sets, in all colors except for white and black. I joked to myself "I don't have an uterus anymore, but I have fiestaware in all colors!"  Bad joke, I know.

For a year and so, I have used mugs in variety of colors, but I found myself using the scarlet red mug frequently.  It grew to be my security mug. When I felt down, the red mug was there.  Dark clouds?  Red mug. Tissues and tears?  Red mug.  Comfort in solitude?  Red mug.   I did not really think about that until one day.

That day the red mug disappeared.

I didn't notice because I was using other mugs in other colors for a while.  In the mail, I got a baby shower invite last fall, so I opened the counter and stared at the empty spot where the red mug was supposed to be.   I pulled up mugs to see if the red one was hiding behind others.  No luck.

Anxiety budding.

I got an orange mug to pour my tea in.    I sat in the darkness of the living room.  I stood up to go back to the kitchen. To check if the red mug somehow magically appeared.   It didn't.  I racked my memory to see if I had left it at work or in the car.  I checked the car, no luck.  At office, no dice.

That went for a few months- there'd be bad days, I'd open the counter to get my red mug and note its absence, to recall that it had disappeared somehow.  Using other mugs just didn't feel the same, despite the same taste of tea or coffee.

On one really bad day, I moved all fiestaware  (all plates, small plates, bowls and mugs, and servers) to the dining room, in an extreme move in my goal of finding that damned red mug.  I dug through the pots and pans.  I used reasoning of doing an audit of all my food for preparing for a zombie apocalypse, in an excuse to find that Red mug.  

No luck.

It was an unpleasant feeling- I lost something.  Like I lost my uterus.  Some friends.  My dreams of having children.  I failed to find this mug, and I failed in my tries to be a mother.  The emotions. I fled outside with my dogs in a pretense that it was time for their afternoon walk, never mind it was late morning.

That was last February, the first anniversary of the hysterectomy.

Now, it is May.  Yesterday, my neighbor came in to watch the dogs and let the A/C repairman in since the air conditioner wasn't working (we were roasting last weekend!). Cool air welcomed me when I came home from work. I was so glad; I went to bed much earlier last night. I hadn't slept well due to the heat, and the "leave-me alone" mood.

This morning I opened the cup counter....

Red mug.

Staring at the cup among the colored mugs, the red seemingly fierce in its pulse of color.  That's when I realized the neighbor had probably taken the mug when she was here for coffee last fall.

My feelings are quite chaotic and confusing about the return of the red mug.

All over a little red mug- go figure.  

Friday, May 3, 2013

Brains and laughter

First of all, I'm alive!  No worries. :)   I have been very busy lately in the last two weeks, including volunteering or participating in some Derby events (I'll share some stories/photos later in future posts).  A friend had visited me for a weekend, and I have been hanging out much on my porch, doing a small garden and doing some labyrinth paintings.  Anyway...back to the subject.

Volunteered at the Zombie Run here in Louisville two Sundays ago-  handing out vaccination hydration...err. water.    There was a lovely team of volunteers, some dressed as doctors (I got to wear a lab coat!), and zombies, including two cute little zombies.  Spooky, although.     We had put out cups full of water, thinking it's all finished.   By the third group of runners coming by, we noticed numbers of cups dwindling, we realized we needed to whip out MORE cups and MORE water....  to be safe, we had put out 300 cups of water here on the first (water) stop! Later on, I found out we had 700+ runners. Wow!

 That's when I found out we I love how runners involved humor on their t-shirts and/or costumes:

"Daryl's disciples" (Referring to The Walking Dead, in which there's a redneck character, Daryl..damn hot!)
"Tasty and Fresh"
"Lunch on the Run"
"Fast Food"
"Heroes of the Apocalypse"
"Who Got Brains"
"I like Big Guts"
"Zombie Bait"
 and more!

There were zombies, with so many characters that I couldn't list 'em all...but I'll do my best...

Fonzie the zombie

A hospital lost a doctor...what a tragedy...

housewife- would wonder how she manages to keep her curlers on... 

There was this neat-o zombie, with several 'slashes' above and below her lips, so impossible to lip-read. That'd be a challenge for deaf or hard of hearing folks who rely on lip-reading... oh wait.. doesn't need to lip-read, just run in the opposite direction!

Here is a video by Thomas, who was volunteer press for this event, so you can get an idea what it's like being a runner dealing with a 5K run with obstacles (zombies and stuff they throw on the road).  

This is right front of where our "vaccination hydration site"'s hilarious to see this zombie grab at some runners!  (Two little kids you see handing out the cups with water, were members of our team). They certainly stayed calm!  :) 

I certainly had a blast of fun!!!!  I hope I'll do this again-   I know there'll be two other runs; Run for Your Lives, and the Zombie Stampede- so I'll find out when that'll happen here this year. 

P.S.  For folks who might ask "this post is not about infertility"'s certainly not.  I want to show that there IS life after infertility, childlessness, and that one can put grief and anger aside for a few hours, if not a few days.