Updates for 2014-2015

I said I'd be doing the bucket list last time I posted here- and forgot about it all.

Is that bad? Nope.  That told me that my life kept me busy.

I have increased in volunteering, participating in social justice and reproductive justice activism lately!    However to talk about my social justice activism would make it all about me, not the communities that the spotlight need to be on.  Please read blogs by women of color; participate in groups run by trans people; and listen with no intention to interrupt or go 'but' to stories of disabled people.  

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I saw the play "Our Town"  in January 2014.     All I can say is.. it blew me away.     If the play comes to your town, go see it!     Yes, it may feel boring- stick to it and you'll realize how accurate it is to your life.

Actors Theater's 'Our Town'

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In the past two years, I had been pressured to give/donate some labyrinth paintings I created to organizations or individuals.    I had not felt comfortable with that; yes I even resented that encouragement, pressure.   That included being asked to give workshops on labyrinth mediation/walking for free.    What gives?   Do one really think that art or education should be free all the time?  

When I paint, that includes the cost of materials, frame, canvas, length of time- could cost between $75-200.  Yet when I put $90-350 on the paintings, I am told that I am greedy.  !!!

When I come to do a labyrinth workshop, that includes mileage, cost of gas, hotel stay, sometimes rental of the room, length of time, and time away from my job.   Yet when I check whether they will pay me for the workshop, (usually 200-450), I'm told that they cannot afford that.  Yet it's okay for me to pay to fill up my gas, drive 150 miles, and pay for overnight stay at the hotel. Okay......

So I had dug my heels in and said no more, I'm not gonna donate/give paintings away, nor do my workshops for free anymore.   Did that stop people?  Nope-   others realized the value- I had sold six paintings in the last six months!  To me,that's a big step.  Workshops-  I had been asked to do a workshop later this year, and they made an offer to pay for the hotel stay and my airfare, so to me, that's a fair trade.


In 2014, I had gone to the Michigan Womyn's Musical Festival, in which I had fallen in love with.  For the first time ever in my life, I felt safe. I could walk down the road at 3am, not looking over my shoulder, which I did so- walking under the moonlight!  Camped among fellow spirits.  Only one minus about that was that there were no workshops about infertility/childless choice/not by choice.  I recall telling members who have been attending the festival for many years as they could recall, that there IS a labyrinth built on the land, and to be told "no there isn't, unless you mean the labyrinth by ribbon over there."  I was persistent- following my gut, and I found the stone labyrinth!  It had been built a long time ago, so many old members let it slide from their memories.

I came back in 2015, saddened that it would be the last year for the festival.  Heartened that I got to give a workshop on the labyrinth walking- in end, the attendees got to see the stone labyrinth- lets hope that whatever happens to the land, the stone labyrinth will be always be there.  This time, my best friend Roni came and experienced the magic of the festival.  I also volunteered most of the time at the orientation/welcome area, the Deaf haven and the kitchen.  I realized from 2014, volunteering was where I was most happy, and so I did that again last year.


I walked in the 2014 Zombie Walk in Louisville- it was a blast of fun!    Saw so many zombies, yet so little time to see them all!
















I took a break from writing the book, since I found myself stuck with the 'writer's block' (obviously here too in the blog!).

For 2014 and 2015 Goodreads, of 150 and 200 books, achieved, although realizing that with that pressure in the last year, I found myself disinterested in reading. So for now, I'm not going to read just for the sake of 'Goodreads' goals, but for my own pleasure.

In 2015, I had done some travels-  to NJ, OH, IN, CO and KS.

I had also lost my grandmother, June back in July.  Throughout growing up, she had been there a steadfast anchor for me.  When relatives hesitated in learning sign language, she dived in and became skillful so we can communicate to each other- she made sure that I was part of the family, instead of staying in the shadows.  She encouraged me greatly to start reading when I was a toddler; she fanned the flames of reading within me, non-stopping in handing me books to consume.  In the last years, she had been a shadow of who she was, due to dementia, no longer remembering anyone, not even me the last time I saw her. So when I got the news she died, I explored the mixture of grief and relief at the same time- feeling relief that her suffering had ended, yet grieving that she is gone.    At the funeral, I wrote her eulogy, echoing her values in reading and writing.  I still miss her.

And my VW Jetta Sweetheart, bought in 2003, had bit the dust only two months ago.  I got a new Kia Soul-   more room for camping trips!

Looking back, the bucket list have looked harder than it was, and so I decided for the next five years, I will stick to the five goals.

Pay off Debt
Travel out of country
Save
Buy/Build a tiny house.
Re-assess my life and see where I want to go from here.

And for the childless not by choice part in my life?    I realized that I AM a mother in other ways.  To my furkids, I am their mom. I am an aunt spoiling my 3 years old nephew, who now finds himself a Star Wars fan like me, and the twins(boy and girl!) just born to my brother and sister-in-law two months ago.  Being a mentor to several young women is enriching.  So in general, I have made peace with the childless aspect.   Of course, the book about me is unfinished, there is a lot more to write- the plot may change.  And you know what? I look forward to surprises popping up on the next few pages.

Still Alive.

I had forgotten the password for this blogspot, and I wasn't in any hurry to restore that.

Have been very busy lately, with classes, volunteering, local activities and moderating three Facebook groups, on top of providing workshops here and there.

So yes, I'm still alive.

Will catch up with the bucket list for 2014, and some updates soon.

And yes, I survived the third anniversary two weeks ago-  on that day, it was finally snowing after months of no snow.  Instead of feeling the drowning grief of the first anniversary or emotional numbness of the second anniversary, I felt passive resignation.

Well, that's a step toward healing.

(artist unknown, if you know who, please let me know so I can credit) 

Bucket list 2013 to 2014

Just keeping it simple and short.     

Self-care
I hadn't been involved in any dramas so far, and so I find my health is much better for that. That is revealing how much some ex friends were drama seekers, and how life has improved after I removed them.  I hadn't been the peacekeeper for two years now.  SWEET.   

37 paintings so far-  ***SOLD two!!***  And will sell some of my artwork at an upcoming festival-let's keep our fingers crossed. 

Waverly Hills historical tour AND paranormal tour-  no ghosts in photography (drats!) 

Started volunteering in several fields, including reproductive justice, Big Sisters, people struggling with homelessness. 

Had opened two FB groups, one with goal of activism, and one for deaf women. Both going well.  

OLD SOUTH travels!   (Tennessee, Mississippi, Louisiana, Alabama...) Eats in New Orleans includes Acme oysters and Seafood House, Cafe Du Monde, Clover Grill, El Nate Negro, Napoleon House, NOLA, etc-  yeah I finally acknowledged that I am a foodie!  

Continuing
Writing the book- it is harder than I thought, I keep re-writing the plot.  I KNOW what goes in my mind, but it keeps changing whenever I finally sit down to start writing. so this is frustrating.  I know my characters,  I know the plot- but trying to put it all together, that's the challenge.

Referring to the last post in early 2013....

New Goals:
Goodreads 2013 goal:  150 books. ACHIEVED!
See the Vagina Monologues
Create a mosaic of labyrinth.
New classes/spring semester:  Advanced Photography ACHIEVED. 
Increase hikes and walks with dogs Still continuing on that. 
Increase fruit intake  ACHIEVED
Learn to forgive myself and let go of negative folks and experiences- still working on this. 
Work out next move location IN PROCESS
Get new ink on my skin, ACHIEVED! A labyrinth on my lower calf! 
Drink more water, less coffee

Check out local eats that I hadn't sampled yet. Bistro Grill, The Fish House, Jack Fry, Cuban House, Hammerheads (OMG- you have to try their bacon brownies!), Silver Dollar, Toast, and Eiderdown
"Throw out Fifty things" project- get rid of 50 things (and more!)  Just got my book back from loaning to friend- so just starting on this!  
Cut down on paper books, increase titles on my Nook Doing better..still struggling! 
Ventriloquist museum- Fort Mitchell, KY (only museum about ventriloquists in the world)  ACHIEVED!

National Underground Railroad Museum, Cinn, OH. ACHIEVED!
Gravity Hill in Princeton, KY. ACHIEVED!
Centralia, PA
Boston, MA
Watch all the seasons of Star Trek: Voyager (7 seasons!)  ACHIEVED!


There is only three new things I have added to the bucket list- I'm keeping it short, in which this list will have items that hadn't been achieved in 2013 and new items. 

Pay off my debts by end of 2014. (new)
Save up to build a tiny house/travel. (new)
Michigan Womyn's Music Festival (new)
Centralia, PA (old)
Boston, MA (old)
Drink more water, less coffee (old) 
See the Vagina Monologues (old)
Create a mosaic of labyrinth. (old)

The reason I'm keeping this bucket list short this year is because I have realized as long as I keep it long and ever-growing, it is harder to feel accomplished.  So I'm doing things that are more likely to happen, and hold off others, except for two things that maybe, maybe not- which is New Orleans in October, and becoming a foster parent.  

Gal Trail

R and I are off on a road trip of the lifetime, through the Old South. Already knockin' 'em senseless in Memphis, Tennessee today!     Tomorrow, Jackson, MS, and then Baton Rogue, LA.

Ciaos!

Unplugged

Due to a local cable/Internet service provider transferring to a bigger one, my Internet had been 'funny' for a week and half- I couldn't predict when I'd have Internet..one day it'd be up for an hour, then it'd be up for 7 hours after two days of no Internet.  After tolerating it for a few days, I gave up and decided to go unplugged for a few days.

The days ended up awesome!

Hiked in the swamp nearby-I had known it was there since I moved here 4 years, but never had the opportunity 'til now.  And.. I didn't get any mosquito bites, could you believe that?!

Walked the Big Four Bridge, that had been renovated from a train truss bridge to a pedestrian bridge- opened three months ago. Pretty awesome- can't wait to walk to Indiana when the other end is completed!  

Art is one of my passions, so when I saw a guy starting to paint on a building wall, I stopped by and asked if I could watch the process.  Turned out this is for a center for survivors of domestic violence- to give hope and inspiration.  Watching the guy paint was magic in process- beat that, Harry Potter!  

Rediscovering my love to crochet.  

Exploring local restaurants, including the most loved BBQ- Smoketown U.S.A (would you believe the owner/chef originally came from Russia?) Very friendly, he chattered on and on with us despite we didn't understand each other. That didn't stop him from checking with us, encouraging us to eat more- and was happy to give me one of his cakes he made personally, turned out to be orange soda cake. I hadn't tasted orange soda since I was a child. What a memory trip, for sure!  There was a whisper of a new breakfast cafe, it's not yet known. So I went exploring at SuperChef's Breakfast, and saw that they had red velvet pancakes.  !!!  I had to try that...and you know what?  DIVINE!

On my bucket list, there are museums that I aim to attend, but hadn't "the time to go" 'til now. I attended the Vent Haven Museum (the only museum in the world about ventriloquism).  I can say safely, it's SO creepy!  The wooden faces, eyes following your movements...but AWESOME!  I also went to the Underground Railroad Freedom Center- very sobering but good way to increase awareness of slavery in United States (1619 to 1863) and about today's slavery (forced labor, child labor, prostitution, bonded labor, and trafficking).  

There were some rainy days (including one flash flood warning, which indeed flooded the bridge just down the road from where I live).  I managed to go there to check, and I saw a muskrat, first time in my life!  I love animals, hence biology and zoology are another passion of mine. Another moment of awesomeness!    Anyway, due to the rains, I couldn't go outside much. No fear! Books called!  The book pile had grown, and grown for months, and I couldn't make a dent in it 'til now!   

There is a young neighbor with a 4 years old boy-  Some months ago, I had lightheartedly offered to babysit the boy if the mother needed a break or something- and she hadn't taken up on my offer 'til now-  a rainy day, of course when I couldn't take him out!   We ended up painting,, drawing and making oatmeal cookies (with chocolate chips- he wanted 'em). Later on, he stopped by and gave me this sweet note.  

Those days were certainly to savor, being mindful and staying in the moment.    And best of all, at no time, were there any inkling of being aware of infertility, or being childless.   

That helped me realize something-   I had stayed on Internet overmuch for a year and more- to escape into the world web, nursing my wounds, with the word "INFERTILITY" in red on my forehead. Don't get me wrong- I'm very thankful for the blogs, especially some dear bloggers who are now my friends- but hey, did you know that when I finally got back online, I saw I had 68 unread posts on Bloglovin'?   

At first, I felt bad about being behind in reading, and then it drew upon me, many bloggers have their lives- some are traveling right now. Some are writing a book or developing toward an infertility documentary.  Some are doing DIY crafts- or cooking new dishes. Some are dating.  Some are raising their children and debating about dishwashers. In other words- they have their lives that are not revolving around Internet.  And the days without Internet showed that I can survive just fine being offline, and that it's not the end of the world.  

So in mind of that, I'm looking into camping, hiking and fishing at some parks nearby, including Mounds National Park in the state next to Kentucky.   Making more dents in the book pile.  Making blankets and crafts, now that some neighbors noticed me crocheting, some had asked if I could make them blankets.  And hanging out with some friends, including some in other states.    And it's okay to be offline for a long while!  

Whoops...

I was writing a post (now in draft), when something nudged at my mind.




Whoops.... First anniversary of this blog way past.     2/2/12.     Only eleven days before the hysterectomy, to remove the uterus and the tumor(doctors presuming it cancerous, turning out to be a football-sized non-cancerous fibroid.)



Amazing how time flies when one was in a daze all through the year.


Basically I'm ignoring February.....earlier today I talked about this day "March 13" and that day "March 15"..and the friend kept reminding me "you mean February 13 and February 15, next week, right?"

Right..., February.  



Hurry up, March, bring your ass up here.