Sunday, April 29, 2012


It is quite hard for me to figure where my emotions are these days.  Ha!  As if they are eggs, hidden among the straw in the henhouse.     In a way, it does make sense- after all when exploring emotions, I get 'pecked' by the remembrance, "Childless" and I try to withdraw my hand hoping that it is not true.

Too late, the hand is already bleeding, as my heart does.  That's the best analogy I could think of.

Today, I took a long walk with my dogs, away from humanity.  Hmmm, there were remarkable notes of babies everywhere.  Not human.   Animals.  A doe with her twins among the trees.  A squirrel carrying her baby, his tail wrapped around her neck across the parking lot.  Two sparrow fledglings practicing flying under the oak tree.  A possum carrying several babies on her back.

I watched the antics, and I felt...  nothing.       No pain, no joy.  No grief, no happiness.  No anger, no contentment.   Nothing.   Just emptiness.

::photos:  Henhouse-


  1. Sending hugs. And promises that the joy returns.

  2. Thanks. Joy and life is around, I just need to ride it out.

  3. Sending hugs as well. Mali is right, the joy comes... sometimes in spurts. and sometimes the numbness and sadness return. But, I have found with each six months that pass, things feel a bit easier.

    1. Question for you if y'all are up... is it , how to say it... normal to feel normal even less than six months, and then later not?

      Hah, you already answered my question, I hadn't really thought out your statement 'til now.