Sunday, March 17, 2013

Small pond

I admit being Deaf has its own hazards... in this situation, even more being infertile/childless.  You see, it's nice to hang out with folks who can sign- don't get me wrong, I do have hearing friends- usually online (where we could type in instant messages or social networks), or writing forth and back in person.  The convenience of having a language where we can communicate, instead of writing (that would consume more time, looking for paper and/or pen, and waiting for turns to read and write forth and back.)  Trust me, after a certain time, it does become tiresome. 

So, it's nice to chat with folks in sign language- doesn't matter if the other person is deaf or hearing, as long as we share a common language. Anyway,  due to being in a Midwest town (they say small city, it's all same to me- certainly not a big city like New York City or Washington, D.C), there is a certain limitation of people who can sign, one could befriend-  even less for one who works in human services.  So that's a complication, furthermore- gotta be careful not to befriend one who might end needing services from the Deaf services one day. Or relative/friend of a client-  you get the idea.  

So to put it shortly, my pond was small when it comes to developing friendships. Nevertheless I did my best, befriending all I could which ended up with a certain number.    There was two who were already mothers to children- no problem.  At that time, I was hoping that I'd have a child.   All others hadn't children.  

Since late 2011, it seemed something was in the water then....  Someone was already pregnant by the time I found out I can't have children. No problem...  then...*boom* *boom* *boom* end of 2012, there was three babies in the circle.  Okay...  No problem..I had two local friends left- *boom* was pregnant- was due this month.  No problem...  I had one left.

Last month, the last local friend told me she was pregnant.   I am happy for her, but I swear the gods were laughing at me.  

I was thinking, "Okay- there's this new co-worker- she can sign.  There's hope."  I was going to see if we can go out for coffee- especially that I had found out that she lives nearby.   There was sunshine peeking through the dark clouds, finally!  

 Today, I was chatting with one other co-worker, when she asked me whether I know anything new about the new co-worker. I asked her, with dread growing in my stomach... "what?" 

"She is pregnant."     About the same due date as the other friend who told me last month.  

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for 'em.   Just that it sucks being the last kid picked for the game, (as in school.)

Yup, what Molly Ringwald said.  


  1. Ugh. I'm really sorry. I never had to deal with so many pregnancies all at once. I'm not sure how I would have coped. So sending hugs.

  2. (((HUGS)))

    About the language barrier, I can relate to it in a limited way. When I moved to this small village in Finland, I didn't know anything much about Finnish, so before I could grasp Finnish pretty well, I felt isolated as well (even most government officials here don't prefer talking in English so in the beginning hubby had to accompany me to fill in forms and going to banks, doctor's, etc.).

    My in-laws can't speak English and my hubby had to be an interpreter, but understanding things on your own is far different from having things interpreted by someone else. When I had only learnt a little bit of Finnish, I often zoned out when lots of people gathered and talked to one another in Finnish, because I simply couldn't follow most of the convo (limited grammar and vocabulary) - and it ain't fun when people are joking in Finnish and I'm the last one to hear about it (too late to laugh together along with them!). Without blogging and my blogging friends back then, I'd have gone insane!!!

    I think one thing that limits me in searching for friends here is also my own personality. I don't actively search for new friends, so as I've told you before, I only have a few friends here that I can hang out with every now and then.

    P.S. I think there must be baby boom this year 'coz I've heard lots of pregnancy/birth news and I've also read a few times in Facebook how some people feel that lots of people they know are pregnant. At least I didn't hear too many pregnancy/birth news last year or the year before, but this year they all just pile up one after the other...and I'm waiting if there are more news coming on later on ('coz I know a close friend is TTC and another one won't mind getting preggy again).

  3. Yup. It sucks being the last kid picked for the game.
    (I was terrible at sports that include ball, I know the feeling from then and now).