It has been two years since I last wrote in this blog.
I have made peace with my infertility. There is life beyond having children, and I have found it. It's filling more than I could imagine.
Tears, rage and sorrow have strengthened me to see beyond the society expectations of seeing children as "fulfilling', 'motherhood as final answer' which is a lie.
Activism in reproductive justice and racial justice, in goal of improving the world for the next generations is fiercely fought with words, actions and conviction. It can be scary in some situations, but the end results are worth the labor. There is losses and wins, unfortunately losses outweighing the triumphs. Each triumph keeps me going on, while losses remind me that there is a bigger world out there, compared to one individual. Small actions cause ripples.
Infertility can be devastating, as we have experienced, but it is not the end of the world as I thought. And that reminded me that I fought through so many storms , and this was a storm to go through, with beloved friends and family. I am sorry that some people were hurt from my grief and anger, and that is something I am still working on. However I will not apologize, or ask for forgiveness. Love is more than that, when one life goes into the washer and coming out a different life, to put on, noticing the wear of the piece, the tears, and the holes and tears mended. That is life.
On that note, there is a likelihood that I will not continue writing after this.
Tho I cannot promise that it is the end for this blog.