Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Shopping and Bias against disabled parents

Thanksgiving had come and gone.  It was somewhat good, just with mom and some neighbors.    Now, we gotta hope that Xmas would come and be gone without any incidents, like weeping.  I can't say it won't happen.  

I had gone to the baby department of Macy's to get some clothes for my baby nephew, one of his holiday gifts...and it was harder than I thought.  Even more at the book store.  Some of you have read a post that I wrote much earlier this year, of how much I love reading. So getting books for the nephew was tough, looking at books, thinking "if I had a child, I could get that...." eyeing 'Boot and Shoe', "or this", of another book 'Star Wars Alphabet'.   

Bottom line, I got clothes and books for the baby nephew and they are all wrapped, soon to be mailed.  :::pat on my shoulder:: 

 I did it. 

While reading posts and articles on Facebook (yup, I have an account there, nothing to be embarrassed about.), I saw an article shared by a good friend.  Its title grabbed my attention "Facing Bias, loss of children, disabled parents should get more support, advocates say."    I clicked on it to read.

After reading, I feel validated that what I have gone through with planning to have a child, or adoption...  you see, it'd be hard to adopt as a single woman... even more as a deaf single woman who uses American Sign Language as her communicative language.    I have always had a fear that if I had a child, in my 20's and 30's, that I'd have to go through court to fight to keep the child, especially with my maternal family- I love 'em, but there's a bias that deaf cannot do anything.  They'd think I'd put the child in danger just because I can't hear.   So that's one of many reasons why I hesitated getting pregnant.  It was only when I became 40 and more confident in myself, I decided "hell with them, I'll get pregnant- and if that comes to court for custody of the child, I'll fight like hell." 

That didn't work out, dear readers. Despite some success getting pregnant, none had gone past the first trimester.     

Then, I looked into adoption, I read about requirements of international adoption, and of articles about surrogate mothers/single women (or with lesbian partners) trying to get pregnant with semen from deaf donors- and I have noticed folks in those articles had fought.  Some won..and some lost, especially with deaf semen donors and some international adoption.  Even some local adoption would put disabled individuals last on the waiting list to adopt...  

*sigh*     some days I'm pushing up my sleeves and say "bring it on!'  and on other days, I feel hopeless. 

It has been more of the latter feelings for those days-  rare to experience the former feeling of confidence...  I can only hope I'd experience that more often- not now, but perhaps next year or so...

I want to say "Bring it on" to fight for my right to have children, even if they are adopted or foster or by surrogate mother someday and stick to it.  I want to have hope...

Like the photo says..hope is a bitch. 


  1. Wolfers, I am so sorry. Your disability should not be held against you. I've met many productive people who were deaf too. They put themselves through college, they worked hard, but I especially remember them because they were always happy and seemed to have a lot of *FUN*. What kid would not want a parent like that?

  2. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY to you for having bought and sent the gift for your baby nephew. Star Wars Alphabet?!?!?!?! Gee...the kind of things they have for kids these days are endless...

    Anyway, I'm SORRY to hear about how your disability makes it even harder for you to adopt. I can relate to the feeling of hope being a bitch, though. Before IF, I always thought that hope was a beautiful rose...only after IF did I realize how many thorns it has always had...

    Here's to hoping you'll have a peaceful Christmas!!! But if you have to weep, just let it all out...we'll be here to give you virtual hugs!