I didn't want to think about my childlessness; I didn't want to recall what led me onto this path. I didn't want to relive the grief and confusion.
I wanted to live in the present. And that's what I did for the last few days.
Gone to Cobb's Haunt, which is a corn maze, with zombies jumping out among cornstalks, grabbing at you.
Cobb Haunt Vignette (from Joseph Phelps)
http://www.jguessphotography.com/blog/2010/07/05/cobbs-haunt/ picture by Jami Guess
You can get an idea what it's like walking in the corn maze... NO lights (except for strobe lights here and there)..I took advantage of the full moon- took me 32 minutes to get out! I have to see if I can do that again- that is if Cobb Haunt is open this Halloween (It's my goal to do three places all on one day!)
I went fishing- I hadn't done that for a long while, and so I caught two bluegills. I hadn't caught that kind before, so I had to google up if there were recipes to determine if I can cook 'em or not. I also went to a spa to treat myself to a body massage, pedicure and manicure. I needed that for a long while.
And there were absolutely nothing to do for some days, and I LOVED that. Freedom to read, catching up on movies, and doodling and painting.
I took my dogs to a pet supply store for their Howl-oween costume contest. Due to Derby being popular around here, Hairy had a jockey on him! Lola went as a bumblebee- Sweet Sweet Lola!
We all got some awesome treats despite that neither had won- but that's all right. I got to show off my furry kids in their costumes..and had gotten some ideas for next year- perhaps Star Wars or Walking Dead theme.
Oh that reminds me- everyone got a kick out of my t-shirt that I wore while walking through the corn maze and the dog contest. "Walking Deaf"
Nowadays I feel pretty much human, and it's easier to handle triggers, especially with babies and pregnancy. I recently had talked with friends about Pennsylvania news of a guy being arrested for rubbing a pregnant woman's belly, and there was no pangs of hurt in my heart.
That tells me that I'm doing it right my way during the journey.