Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Close Encounters of the Fifth Kind

I'm sure some of y'all have noticed the movie 'Close Encounter of the Third Kind" showing up on television lately.

For folks who don't know ufology, there are five kinds of encounters when it comes unidentified flying objects (UFOs);

First: visual sight of an unidentified flying object

Second: Visual sighting, with physical effects on animate and inanimate objects.  This could include seeing an UFO, and experiencing sunburn, burning of objects (wood, grass, etc) for two examples. 

Third:  Sighting of aliens either inside or outside of the UFO (picture the big-eyed elf-like alien like in that movie).

Now, that's not what I'm talking about right now.  I'm thinking about the fifth kind, (I'm ignoring the fourth, which means human abduction by aliens for medical reasons, which is scary in its own). 

The fifth kind, as in the purposeful meeting/contact (voluntary/conscious) between the humans and extraterrestrial intelligence. 

Wait, bear with me...  I know you're starting to wonder what is all this about? I thought it's an infertility/childless blog!

I'm wondering, I'm thinking... and I have to ask y'all...  

How do you know when you're ready to look at a baby without breaking down?

How do you know when it's okay to hold a baby and not have tears running down your cheeks?

How do you peer into a baby's eyes and smile without shadows in your eyes?

How?  That's what I'm starting to wonder.  I do see the babies out there. It's easy to see 'em as UFOs, since you won't see 'em again.  

What if you don't want to do that anymore?  What if you want to get closer and touch the soft skin?  To reach out and coax a smile on the baby's face?  

What if you ache to make close encounters of the fifth kind with babies? But you're afraid of getting your heart broken repeatedly.  How do you do encounters with that risk? 

How would you know when you are ready?


  1. This is a great question. I think you're ready when you're ready. It'll feel right. And even then, the contact may have unexpected repercussions. Yes, you might feel a sadness you didn't expect. But also, as time goes on, those repercussions can be positive - an outpouring of love, and an absence of that sadness, an absence of the feeling that you're missing out. And that's pretty wonderful.

    The thing is not to push this. Don't expect a switch to come on and one day you'll be fine. It takes time. And as you know, there are good days and bad. Feel free to pick up babies if you want to - I think it's fine to hold one and have tears pouring down your cheeks, if that's how you feel. It's honest emotion. Cos one day, you'll hold them and the tears won't come. And then you'll know you're getting there.

  2. Tough questions, but I agree with what Mali said. In the past I used to be too tender inside still that even if another person's child smiled at me and made contact with me happily, I'd want to run away from that spot to cry my eyes out.

    Nowadays, though, whenever such a thing happens, I just feel joy and I can smile back and reflect the joy that the child has towards me without having to run away. It's a long road, though...I think what's important is knowing when you're vulnerable and accepting those moments without feeling yourself "weak". We're only human, after all. :-)

  3. I actually tested my ability to be around a baby last night and realized that I still have along way to go in my healing.

    I mustered up the courage to go to dinner last night with my husbands best friend and his wife and their new 3 month old son. As I've blogged about previously, I have had my issues with this couple but being that it's my husbands bff, I don't want to be the one to ruin this life long friendship.

    I was nervous all day about going and we arrived early so I could down a margarita - a little liquid courage sometimes help. I made it through dinner okay as baby "N" was sleeping the entire time but when we were leaving the restaurant he woke up and was smiling and giggling and my heart just broke. I watched the two parents and the look on their faces as they stared at their son was so precious, but so heartbreaking. I want that so bad - I want that so bad for my husband and we never will know what that feels like. It is such a hard reality. I went home and went right to bed; realizing that I just don't think I am quite ready to be around this little guy yet and his parents.

  4. This is a hard question, one that I’m still looking for the answer myself. Some encounters I am ok, others I am not, and I can’t always gauge which way my emotions are going to go. I am hoping that this will get easier with time as everyone says. The newest babies are still the hardest. I have no desire to hold newborns. Older babies that you can interact with are easier for me. Good luck, I hope your encounters are more positive.