I basically experienced a "mood swing" for many days, considering when to ask my friend on whether I could hold her baby (by now, three months)-- "I should ask her" on some days, "forget it, I can't do it." on other days.
Last week, on an impulse, I went to her office, and said-asked, "you know I have a nephew...you know my situation.... I want to see how it'd be like for me to hold a baby.... can I hold your baby sometimes later?"
My heart raced insanely, as if I was running in a marathon.
She reassured me that she'd be happy to help out, and that I am to take my time- either do it at her home, or she'd bring the baby by at my place. Just to let her know when I'd like to do that.
I thanked her, and returned to my office.
What have I gotten myself into?