Lately, I have noticed a significant neglect for all that activities I listed. I have found myself more and more watching television, which is very unusual for me. I don't even LIKE television- I consider it boring, but now it is something to escape to. I don't have to do anything but sit on my arse.
No energy, no motivation, nothing. Procrastination is my best friend lately.
When I stop and think, "I need to clean the house", Blahh...
Pausing to say to myself, "Gotta walk the labyrinth," bleh...
Looking up from watching television, "Hmmm, the dogs look bored, I should take them to the park..." blehh..
Peering at my pager to realize that it's dead, battery drained, and to realize the recharger is at the office. that I won't know if friends invited me to activities, I go "no big deal...I can recharge in my car..." Nah..
Okay, that's an obvious symptom of depression which has to be addressed.
I had convinced myself and my psychotherapist that I am not depressed, but that I'm going through grief. After all, one doesn't like to admit to being vulnerable to depression.
What helps me at this time is that I have read many infertility and childlessness blogs to realize that I am not alone.
I'm not alone in experiencing depression.
I'm not alone in dealing with procrastination.
I'm not alone in neglecting enjoyable activities, feeling guilt.
I'm not alone.
And it's okay to experience all this.
So I'm telling myself to deal with this day-to-day without adding guilt and shame. I need to remind myself to set up one goal each day, to make it easy instead of feeling overwhelmed.
That's a start.
With that in mind, I had just bathed Lola and Hairy- they ain't happy.
photo owned by this blogger, Wolfers